Becoming Buffy
by Eunoia
Summary: A watcher of the future is doing a report on Buffy. Who was she really? Pretty much everyone who had substantial interactions with her is involved. PG-13 only for language. Please review!


_**Author's note: This is kind of a strange story. It's not really a story at all. I thought of it when I realized that Buffy has fewer character studies done about her than other characters, despite being the protagonist. Sure, she's shipped with anyone and everyone and often features heavily in plot-driven stories, but as far as character goes, she sometimes seems more like an archetype than a person. Because I'm more into character studies than 'shippy stories and because I suck at plot, I decided I'd do a Buffy character study. Then I realized that Buffy is often totally defined by how others see her, so I decided to focus on that. Somehow, while writing, this became less of a story and more like an actual report of some kind. It's pretty much just my thoughts on how the other characters see Buffy.**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or situations, fun, not profit, etc.**_

_As much research as has been done on arguably _the_ most influential slayer in history, Buffy Summers (1981-1997, 1997-2001, 2001-2072) very few have been able to discover who she was; what it was that differentiated her from the other legions of slayers out there. I have traveled extensively through time (and on one occasion, dimensions) to document the testimonies of those who knew her. While I have yet to obtain a specific thesis, I believe I do shed some light on her life and mind._

_Hemery High School, Los Angeles, California, 1995_

Tonia Lewis (classmate): Yeah, I know Buffy. She's pretty much inescapable. There's really not that much to say about her though. She's like an all-American automaton, girl-next-door type, except that she obviously tries pretty hard to perpetuate that image. You're lucky you asked me. Anyone else would tell you how sweet she is, how pretty, how everybody loves her. It's just because of the freaking her freaking Gestapo-like tactics. She's untouchable. She and her little gang have already ruined me. I've got nothing else to lose by telling you this. She's always been the same way; better than everyone else and totally aware of it. And only the best and prettiest things for the best and prettiest girl. That includes people's boyfriends. She's ruthless and dangerous, and she'll crush you if you cross her. You think I'm exaggerating, but hang around this school for a few days; you'll see what I mean.

_Sunnydale, California, 1997_

Joyce Summers (mother): Who is she? Wow, we couldn't have started with an easier question, meaning of life, maybe? If you had asked me a few years ago I could have told you a lot more confidently. She was happy, well-adjusted...she loved cheerleading, loved spending time with her friends, on occasion I think she even liked spending time with me. I mean, she always had problems, what child doesn't? She never liked to share, could sometimes be bossy and spoiled. But the good always outweighed the bad. Now...sometimes I think she's joined a cult or something. I've been reading about that sort of phenomenon—very common with girls of Buffy's age. She's so secretive, and not in that usual teenage way. And the violence...I know she's good deep down, but don't mothers always believe that? But no, this isn't like I'm Charles Manson's mother or something. Buffy's just independent, spirited...once she figures everything out, I know she'll become an amazing woman. Right now she's just irresponsible.

Alexander Harris (friend and ally): She's amazing. She's Superman, Spiderman, Wonder-Woman, and Xena all tied into one. With less penis of course. She's strong and brave, funny, kind, and last but certainly not least, she's obviously gotten more than her share of hits with the pretty stick. I mean, it's impossible not to love her. The only problem is, she's impossible to touch. It's not her fault I guess, she's just unattainable. That's the way things work with girls like Buffy. Nobody can reach them.

Cordelia Chase (rival and sometime ally, future vessel for Jasmine, but that's another story): Why would I want to waste my time talking about that reject? All you really need to know about her is she's not cool and never will be. I mean, it's not like she couldn't be. I guess she's kind of cute, and don't tell anyone I said this, but she doesn't have a bad fashion sense either. When she first showed up here I thought I'd reach out to her, give her the 411 on the local situation. But she's obviously not taking her meds or something. It's like she doesn't even want to be popular. That's the last time I reach out to someone who doesn't want to be reached.

Kendra Santiago (slayer called upon Ms. Summers' initial death): She's undisciplined. She doesn't know how to follow rules, nor does she seem to care. She thinks being a slayer is something akin to being an animal. But we are not wild. We are the tools that the watchers use to save humanity, and it is all we should care to be. By all rights she should be dead. And yet, she carries on. She claims her emotions give her power, but I am not sure if this is the case. She does not name these emotions as those that tie her to friends, but I know it is what she means. Amd although it goes against everything I have ever known I am inclined to see these friends as aids, rather than hindrances. Without them I am not sure we could have defeated the Order of Taraka. Sometimes it pains me to think that I may have been able to maintain my position without foregoing these sorts of worldly pleasures. At other times I wonder that she is still alive.

_Unknown Hell dimension, 1998 (earth time)_

Angel (requires no introduction): She's special. Obviously she'd have to be. I've managed to avoid Hell for over two centuries, and all it took her was one thrust of a sword. Not too many girls could send me to Hell. Not too many girls could love me either. And I know she did; maybe she still does. She made me what I am and I couldn't be more grateful. She saves so many people with her strength, her skill...all it took to save me was her belief in me. I guess I'll be down here forever, and all I can do is remember that she believed in me. I've been hers ever since she let me live that night with Darla. She just expected me to do the right thing. So I did. That simple. The thing is, even if I'm hers forever, she'll never be mine. I am many things to her; her protector, her lover, her confidant. And she's those things and more to me. But she isn't mine. And that's part of what I love about her. Buffy belongs to the world. She belongs to her friends and to her mother, and maybe a little to me. But mostly, she belongs to herself. If she ever became one of those girls that gave herself wholly to me or to any man, I don't know that I could stay. _(Researcher's note: As we all know, the souled vampire did return from Hell to continue his relationship with the Slayer, only to leave again soon after she offered him her blood. This researcher's theory, although undeveloped, is that this act not only frightened him, in that she was giving herself to him, but also showed him such faith (in him, on her part) that he was able to start his own fight against evil in Los Angeles. In other words, her weakness both worried and strengthened him. All available reports are simply that he wanted her to be able to live a normal life. This researcher, however, does not believe these theories are mutually exclusive. Perhaps I will delve deeper into this fascinating relationship at another time.) _ I would never want to see her like that. It's the reason I didn't like the women of my time. It wasn't really their fault, but they gave up everything to find a husband, until they weren't whole people anymore. It killed me to see her like that at Halloween. It was such a relief to see her come back to herself. And seeing her kick Spike's ass wasn't too bad either. Better hold onto that memory too.

_Los Angeles, 1998_

Lily (surname unknown, acquaintance): I know she seems like every other down-on-her-luck failed actress in LA. Maybe she wants people to think that. And I get that. So it's strictly between us when I tell you she's really some sort of superhero. I—a friend of mine met her about a year ago. She saved her life, like it was nothing. She's really brave. But, you know, I shouldn't have told you this. It seems like she doesn't really want to brave anymore. I don't know why. If I was brave I think I'd want people to know. As it is, there's not a lot I want people to know about me. And maybe it's the same deal with her. So I think we should just leave her alone, kay? Even Spiderman wears a mask.

_Sunnydale, 1999_

Faith Johnston (slayer called upon Ms. Santiago's death): She's not really that complicated. I don't see why you're doing all this research. I'm sure there's a consensus among her adoring public. She's perfect. Miss WASP Sunnydale, '99. She's got a perfect family and a perfect house and perfect friends. Perfect fucking watcher too. He knows how not to get himself killed. And they're all cute together, finish each other's sentences and shit. Probably boning. If I were her, I would be. You know, I used to think she might be kind of fun. Someone to slay with; someone like me. I know what being a slayer is better than anyone. And being a slayer is wild and primitive. And we were having fun for awhile. Then she remembered she's supposed to repress and went back to her sweet, suburban ways. She doesn't realize it yet, but you take her away from obnoxious friends, and her out of touch mother, and her pussy-whipped boyfriend and her picket fence, and all you're left with is me. The real slayer.

Daniel Osbourne (Ms. Rosenberg's lover, werewolf, friend, ally): Willow's friend. Slayer.

_Sunnydale, 2000_

Willow Rosenberg (friend and ally, powerful witch): She's a friend. The best. She always looks out for her friends, always comforts us when we're down, makes us laugh. Protects us. If it weren't for Buffy I don't know who I'd be today. I know it sounds weird, like she's God and I'm Adam's rib or something, but I don't really know a better way to say it. The thing is, she'd never say it, but she knows that without her I'd be nothing. None of us would be. Xander would be the same loser he always was—Cordy wouldn't have looked twice at him, that's for sure. Giles' job (and by extension, his life, since what's Giles got other than being a watcher?) would be completely obsolete. As for me...well, ask anyone who knew me before she came. I don't know why I'm telling you all this anyone. The point is, she made us. So she'll always be a little bit above us. It's not her fault or anything. I mean, if I can help as a sidekick then I'll be the sidekick. It's just a little frustrating, you know?

Jonathan Levinson (acquaintance): She's a hero. We spent so long trying not to notice, but she's inescapable. She's saved all our lives, and she deserved that class protector award—you'll never get me to say otherwise. She's a hero in all the big ways, all the ways that belong in comic books and movies and myths. But in the little ways—it's not that I'm not grateful to her for saving my life, but would it kill her to every have a conversation with me? Oh sure, she says hello and then gets this look on her face like "there's my good deed for the month." I've heard her make fun of me on more than one occasion. In the big ways she's a hero; in the little ways she's hardly better than Cordelia.

Riley Finn (Ms. Summer's lover and ally): If you had asked me that a few months ago, I think I would have had a pretty good answer. She's a soldier on the side of good, a sexy, strong woman, and a great tactician, if a little unorthodox. She's funny, and kind, and always challenges me to be a better man. The perfect woman. And it's not that any of that isn't true. But there's something else there. She's not a soldier like I'm a soldier. She doesn't just fight evil because it's the right thing to do. She fights because it's a part of her. She's strong because it's a part of her. That kind of violence, that kind of darkness—it was implanted into me, but it's not a part of me. Not really. She's different—untouchable. I hate the way this makes me sound, but she'll never need me, she'll never be mine. And it kills me.

_Sunnydale, 2001_

Rupert Giles (watcher): She was chosen. And it wasn't fair. Destiny chose her, but destiny did not make her. It chose her and then abandoned her. She made herself. And I couldn't be prouder of her for it. Destiny, the council, and, as much as she would never admit this, I did nothing to protect her heart from all the battering and bruising it would receive as a result of her calling. She's had to be hard and tough in ways I hate even to imagine. And yet, she regained her humanity. She keeps hold of it even though the pain is only greater with it there. Slayers are not meant to keep their humanity, but perhaps hers is what keeps her alive. In the end, history will see her only as one slayer among thousands, but those who know her will know the truth. Of course, even this injustice will be only among the council and others in the know. As far as the world at large knows, she'll be little more than another teenaged hooligan. Foolish and irresponsible. Eventually (oh, who am I kidding?—probably soon) she will die and I'll have no way of proclaiming to the world what a miracle she was, and how she saved the world. A lot.

_Sunnydale, 2002_

Tara Maclay (friend, ally, witch, former lover of Ms. Rosenberg): She's brave and strong and all those other good things that I'm sure you've already heard. But she's also scared and alone. She lives against all reason, and against nature. Her mother isn't here, and everyone is expecting her to be an adult. I think she just wants a break. She was at peace and it was disrupted and she's handling it as best she can. I have faith though. She's survived a lot, and even though she shouldn't have to, she'll survive this.

Spike (most of you have probably heard of him, though it is important to inform you that in this stage of his development he had an anti-violence implant, but not soul): I'm sure if you talked to her little scoobies you'll have heard the same old story about the slayer—good, sweet, pure. Well, it's a good thing you've come to me, so I can set the record straight. It's not a secret that she does good deeds—kind of her raison d'etre really. Or it was. Not sure that she even has one anymore. But who she really is, underneath it all, is an animal. Like me. The thrill of the kill, of passion—that's what makes her tick. What's that? Why does she fight for good and have friends and all that? _(Researcher's note: At this point the vampire started to look rather shifty-eyed, so we realized that maybe, being a vampire, he was more resistant to the truth ray than the other interviewees. We gave him another flash and he opened right up.)_ Alright, so maybe she'll never truly belong to the darkness. Part of the reason I fell in love with her actually; sometimes when she was fighting, she'd get this look and you could kind of see that even if she did enjoy fighting, even if she was craving death, what was keeping her going was that she loved the world. All those ungrateful bastards who won't give her a loan and try and take the bit away, and make her wear hats with barnyard animals on them—she loved them all. You don't see that look much anymore. Lucky for me, I guess. If she still loved the world I doubt I'd see as much of her as I do. Is a little sad though, I suppose. Last year, for awhile, she had me believing that even animals like us could have good sides.

_Sunnydale, 2003_

Anya Jenkins (ally, Mr. Harris's onetime lover, former vengeance demon): To be honest _(Researcher's note: this interview was rather an anomaly, seeing as we did not have to make up phony identities and agendas, nor did we need to use the truth ray. Ms. Jenkins, aka Anyanka, just opened right up.)_ I'm not all that fond of her. I mean, you can't really hate her, seeing as she's constantly saving us. But she's so self-pitying, and goes on and on about how she never wanted to be slayer, and then all of a sudden she's telling you about how you have to listen to her because she's the slayer. I really don't see how that qualifies her to boss everyone around. I mean, Giles is trained in this sort of thing, Xander has all that army training, not to mention a pretty good head on his shoulders, Willow could eviscerate all of us by blinking if she wanted. I know more about demons than she does. Hell, Dawn knows more about demons than she does. And yet somehow she's the boss. She really shouldn't complain about how lonely it is at the top if she's the one that climbed there.

Dawn Summers (sister, former interdimensional key): She's my sister. She'll always love me and always protect me and I just kicked her out. I know that must make me look pretty unsympathetic. I mean, she sacrificed her life for me. But I don't regret it. I've looked up to Buffy my whole life, hell, I'm made from her, and if there's one thing she's taught me it's to be strong and to stick up for what you know is right. And right now she's wrong. The others are angry because of what happened to Xander and to the girls. And they have a right to be. Anya even claimed Buffy was lucky to be the slayer. I'm not that stupid. I know she isn't. But she is lucky. She has the greatest friends in the world. They've stuck by her through all sorts of bullshit, and maybe they didn't always help, but they always tried and they were usually successful. We all would have been dead years ago if it wasn't for Xander, Willow, and Giles. Even Anya, Tara, Cordelia, Oz...some of them didn't even like her, but they took her burden and made it theirs. I've never had friends like that and I've never been allowed to share hers, but I would give anything to. And she doesn't even appreciate them, doesn't even consider their opinions. It was always like that, to a degree, but it's gotten worse now. I know she's under a lot of pressure, but I'm trying to be there for her. We all are, and all she can think is that she has to fix things for us. What she doesn't understand is that maybe we can fix it together. It's strange how I'm labeling myself as part of this "us", isn't it? I guess I am part of her world now that she isn't. That's kind of ironic. I hated having to tell her to leave. I guess I was hoping she would see the error of her ways and come crawling back, but I guess I was fooling myself. In the end, it's going to come down to her either taking all the power and all the responsibility, or her finally learning to share.

_Desert, somewhere just outside Sunnydale, 2003_

Buffy Summers (I think this one's pretty self-explanatory): Wow. You couldn't have started with an easier question? Explain the theory of relativity or something? I don't know. I'm Buffy, the Vampire Slayer. Or "a vampire slayer" I guess. Look, it's not something you can answer just like that. I mean, I'm on my way to becoming—yeah, there's your answer. I'm becoming. Becoming what? Well, don't you think if I knew that, I'd already have become? I'd be cookies. Heh. Sorry, kind of an in-joke. _(Researcher's note: I have studied the North American English slang of the time, and yet can find nothing having to do with cookies. There did apparently exist something known as "the cookie monster" but the slayer never seems to have met it in battle.)_

_Upon first glance, these interviews reveal little more about the last of the single slayers than that she was apparently an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, wrapped in a mystery. And that her friends were all overly influenced by their own perceptions, complexes, and neuroses. There is overlap between the testimonies, however. Both her mother and sister note a problem with sharing, a characterization that seems ironic, given her main claim to fame. Many of her less familiar classmates saw her as cruel and harsh. Even the popular girl at school, who did not like her, revealed that she did fit the "popular girl" mold. She is seen as bossy by her mother, Ms. Jenkins, and her sister. She is also seen as slightly apart, slightly superior to her allies, by many, including her closest friends. Her lovers all realize that she does not and will not belong to them. All are aware of her strength and courage, although there are those that also seem aware of her vulnerability, such as the elusive Lily (who at other times went by the names Chanterelle and Anne, among others) and young Ms. Maclay. Her watcher does not explicitly say this, but he seems to believe she formed her virtues (of which there are many) by necessity and underneath it all was just a girl. One slayer sees her as too wild, another as not enough, an opinion seemingly shared by Spike. She is much more connected to her friends than any known slayer before her, but is also accused of taking them for granted. She and her mother (who in many ways seems out of touch with her daughter, calling her irresponsible, among other things, inadvertently becoming one of the people Mr. Giles claims will never know her) both realize that she is still becoming whatever it is she will eventually be. Her sister and Ms. Maclay both hint at this too by stating that she still has lessons to learn. In the end, all we can know for sure is that Ms. Summers was many things to many people, as all women are. She also changed the face of the world as we know it._


End file.
